


Fly me to the moon

by angelcakkes



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Childhood Friends, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up Together, M/M, Romance, Some Humor, Time Skips, Wedding!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-27 09:15:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17764028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelcakkes/pseuds/angelcakkes
Summary: There isn’t anything extraordinary about their love. There aren’t as many heart-stopping, breathtaking moments as there is peace, and an easy heart. It’s simple: Jeno sees Renjun, and he breathes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my submission for the first round of Allrenzine! I chose Prompt 65: “只要你愿意，我以后就能在你身旁睡，你也不用蹬被子，可以蹬我了。 ”
> 
> "as long as you're willing, i'll sleep beside you in the future, so you don't have to kick the blanket, but you can kick me instead."
> 
> I played around with how I wanted to loop the past and present together and ended with this weird, butchered timeline so please let me know if this technique is confusing! Also, I was pretty vague in some areas because I wanted to show "fragments" of their relationship and tie it together with what was going on in the wedding (the title of this fic was going to be called smth smth fragments, but then I changed my mind), so please let me know if anything is unclear! 
> 
> I had lots of fun writing this and I experimented a bit stylistically so please, leave any comments/compliments/criticisms, all is welcome! Thank you for reading and be sure to check out Allrenzine's other releases. 
> 
> Enjoy~

_Goin’ to the Chapel and we’re,_

_Gonna get married._

_Gee, I really love you and we’re,_

_Gonna get married –_

 

Jeno’s been dreaming of his wedding for a while now. A humble venue, preferably somewhere tucked away between the folds of nature, surrounded by the people he loves as he steps into eternity with the one he loves most. Nothing too elaborate – simply, _simple._

Standing at the opening of their modest wedding pavilion hidden inside a circle of evergreen at their city’s Botanical garden, Jeno watches his dream bloom to life. A silk runner unfolds itself between the rows of pearl-painted wooden lawn chairs they’d scavenged from the Sunday Market, ending at the altar, under the arch wrapped in white roses and the _cutest_ baby-blue buds.

Smoothing his hands down his white, velvet suit, Jeno takes a deep breath, the ambient and crisp smell of Spring tickling his nose. He smiles to himself, chest swelling with happiness and a disregard for his small world tipping on its head around him just hours before his wedding.

Donghyuck, their wedding planner (God knows how _that_ happened), has been screeching since the day began, or more accurately, since the proposal. Regardless, all day long he’s been barking orders at the décor team at the highest decibel, dictating where _this_ should go and how _that_ should be done, arranging and re-arranging the tables and flowers in order for everything to tie together “perfectly”. Every time Jeno sees him, the maniacal boy is either marvelling at his work, redoing the same decoration, or yelling into his earpiece with a finger on the speaker and a scowl on his face.

Like a private agent, says Chenle. Like a hysterical mad-man, says Jisung.

Looking past Donghyuck, Jeno spots Jaehyun and Johnny practising their lines under the arch. They’re giggling and pointing at the cue-cards they pass between each other until Irene walks past with the champagne barrels and a stern glance thrown their way. The nonsense stops immediately, and a diligence unseen at their previous practice sessions ensue. Who decided to make the both – unconventionally – the officiators was beyond him.

Doyoung and Yuta are out to get the cake, while Taeyong has seated himself with managing food preparations at the reception hall just a walk away from the venue. Feeling slightly forgotten, Jeno purses his lips as he looks around for Jaemin.

Speak of the devil, his best friend – and best man – steps into sight through the side entrance (more an awkward gap between the flowering bushes), nose buried in his palm-cards, muttering inaudibly. Relief washes over Jeno as he weaves between the chairs, straight towards Jaemin with his face set into a grin – only for the latter to flounder on the spot as he realises the closing distance between them, sheer panic breaking out on his face before he spins on his heels and beelines back the way he came, out the venue.

Jeno gapes at Jaemin’s back growing smaller until he makes a turn and disappears altogether, his hand groping at the air before limply falling to his side. Awful – his own wedding, yet here Jeno is, banned from seeing his fiancé until time and either unwanted or forgotten by every other person in favour of preparations or photos.

He sighs, aimlessly wandering around until he slumps down on a seat by the back. After another long, overdramatic and overly-loud sigh (read: cry for attention), Yukhei steps through the bushes. Literally. His legs sticks out first, then the rest of him.

“Oh hey! Groom number 2,” he grins wide, lightly punching Jeno’s shoulder, “wassup my man?”

“Hey,” Jeno slides down his seat, digging his heels into the grass, “nothing, I’m just – wait, number 2?”

“Little Huang’s number 1, of course.”

Jeno requires no further explanation, “of course.” It’s Renjun.

Yukhei pulls up a chair closer to Jeno before sitting on it backwards, crossing his arms to prop his chin on, “you all set?”

“For the rest of my life?” Jeno smiles up at the sky, “yeah.”

He shoves the older male who mock-gags into his hand. His eyes drift towards the altar, at the garland of the most breathtaking peonies and buttercups hanging off, which Donghyuck had specially selected after hours upon hours of contemplating and hounding the florists.

 _“For my best friends, it needs to be perfect.”_ He had argued to the florists, and later to Jeno when the latter had expressed reproach at Donghyuck’s zealous methods.

Looking at how the venue had strung together, it _was_ perfect – every inch of it. Although, Jeno could’ve gotten married at a gas station or even their tiny, shared apartment in Seoul and it still would’ve been perfect. He was marrying Renjun, after all.

And that brings his thoughts to Renjun. The spunky Chinese boy with the spirit of a thousand summer sunrises. The ray of hope in Jeno’s every day and comforting glow in his darkest night. His stars, his sea, his wings and the wind beneath them. His lover, best friend, life-mate and –

“JENO LEE!” Yerim’s voice booms across the courtyard from the altar, where she’s got her hands cupped around her mouth, “MOVE IT! WE’RE GOING OVER THE PROCEDURE ONE MORE TIME!”

He scrambles to his feet, kicking the soil off his shoes before Yerim even gets the chance to yell at him. She turns back to Johnny and Jaehyun as Jeno jogs up to her side.

“From the top!”

~

Their story starts at the sandbox at the playground just around the corner from Jeno’s house in Incheon.

As a young boy, Jeno was always on the shyer side. He preferred playing by himself, quietly in his own little world of plastic seashells, sandcastles and Transformer toys he always brought with him ( _always)_ , as opposed to swinging on the monkey-bars and sliding down the slippery-dip upside-down like the rest of the children. As a result, he’s never made more friends than the handful of cousins who came over once in a while and his big sister – but those are technically obligatory, so they don’t count.

As a young boy, Jeno was also on the scrawnier side – although, less scruffy than most of the other kids (his mother took pride in combing her son’s glorious head of hair) – Jeno Lee was a six-year-old boy with shoulders too small for a head too big and a cursed squint due to slightly defective eyes from birth. Granted, his menacing screwed eyes could be blamed on genetics, but not many kids cared to ask why Jeno was stuck with a permanent scowl. They just frowned and hurried away.

And so you’ve got the perfect formula for a tragically lonesome young hero. His mother ushered him out every afternoon in hopes he’d come back with a new friend, only for Jeno to spend two hours in the sandbox alone, building bucket-castles and getting dirt under his nails.

Until Renjun.

See, Jeno couldn’t really tell that he was being picked on. No one really spoke to him, ever, so he hadn’t developed the understanding required to differentiate when one was being nice, and when one wasn’t.

What he did know though, was that when a big boy at the park squashed his _Robo-Car Headquarters_ , called him _‘bobble-head’_ and said his Transformer toys were _stupid_ , he didn’t like it. An ugly feeling had settled at the pit of his stomach; his heart weighed down in his chest.

But he’d kept quiet – mainly because the lack of interaction rendered him incapable of knowing how to react appropriately, and also because –

“Hey fatty!” The sound of footsteps stomping on the mulch, crunching under the weight “pick on someone your own size!”

Jeno’s view is soon blocked by a frail boy, towering over him with his feet set wide apart and his face pinched into the most menacing scowl.

“And who’s that supposed to be, chicken legs?”

“Clearly,” the boy digs his heels into the sand, “there’s no room for – for a hippo-tamus like you in this park!” He shouts the last part, “so, go find somewhere else to play, you big, fat hippo-tamus!”

The older boy, clearly losing interest, walked away soon after, leaving Jeno frazzled and his saviour, slumping onto the sand with a huff.

“Phew, I thought he was gonna hit me,” he breathed out, a hand over his chest.

Jeno, starry-eyed and rosy-cheeked, “t-thank you… you’re so brave!”

The other smiled – his pouty, pink lips spreading so wide they take up most of his face, his dark hair falling over his eyes completely as he clicks his tongue, twice, “of course.”

Managing to find courage stashed away in the spaces between his ribs, “I-I’m – my name’s – I…”

“What is it?” The stranger giggled, “nothing else to say to your hero?”

 _Hero._ “I’m Jeno!”

“Well, Jeno, I’m Renjun,” he gazed over to the trampled sandcastle, mouth curving into a frown then instantly bouncing back to a smile, “how about we make another castle together?”

~

“Hyung,” Chenle sits up in his seat on top of the table, inspecting Jeno as the latter paces along the bed of flowers, reading over his vows, “you look a little bloated.”

Jeno looks up from his cue-cards immediately, stuffing them into his pockets and fishing out the _Pusheen_ foldable mirror Donghyuck gave him for his birthday last month. He checks his cheeks, stretching and jutting his jawline, pressing down on the pressure points behind his ears.

“I stress-binged in the morning,” Jeno confesses weakly as he puckers his lip upwards, pulling his jaw then relaxing. And repeat action.

“Renjun-ge let you?”

“I haven’t seen Renjun since yesterday.”

Chenle makes a sound halfway between a chuckle and a hiccup, teasing Jeno as the groom yanks away the seat beneath Chenle’s feet and collapses on it. The gravity of the situation just knocked into him as he realizes he _really hasn’t seen Renjun all day._ The man he’s supposed to be married to in just over an hour, and he hasn’t heard from him at all.  He doesn’t know if Renjun’s as nervous as he is; if he had slept well; if he needed anything; if he’s getting cold feet.

Jeno feels the blood drain from his face. _What if Renjun is getting cold feet?_

“That’s Renjun-ge for you,” Chenle says, patting Jeno’s back as if to wish him luck for the coming days. Jeno doesn’t need it – dealing with Renjun and his superstitions have become a part of Jeno’s being.

His attention is caught by the sound of Yuta and Taeil bringing in the cake. They’re arguing – Yuta shouting about the dip in the path and Taeil groaning about how the Renjun cake-topper keeps falling off while the Jeno one has face-planted into the fondant.

The real Jeno sprints to his feet without a word and beelines straight to the dresser parked by the venue, where Renjun was getting ready (more like hiding out).

He knocks on the door, popping open his collar.

In a few minutes, Ten throws the door open with a deep-set frown. “what are you doing here? Are you crazy?”

“I was hoping to see Ren, just for a bit?”

“Once again,” Ten repeats, “are you crazy? He adjusts the door until there’s only a slit big enough for his head to peek out from, preventing Jeno from peeping inside and hopefully, catch a glimpse of his beloved – if he hadn’t already run away and Ten was just saving the heartbreak for later, that is.

Ten sticks his head inside for a split second then pokes it back out again, hissing, “he’s got us hanging crystals all over, you think he’ll agree to see you and risk bad luck for the marriage?!” Jeno tries to speak but is cut off, “he’s got us all carrying salt shakers!”

Jeno tips his head back and groans loudly. He takes a step forward, inching closer to the gap, “how about I just speak with him through a curtain?”

“Ten-hyung?” Renjun’s voice sounds from inside, “who is it?”

Heart surging, Jeno pushes half his body through the gap, a broad smile finding its way as he looks straight at Renjun, “babe!”

He recoils instantly as Renjun shrieks at the top of his lungs, covering his eyes and spinning around in hysteria. Panic ensues as Kun orders everyone to _get the salt_ and Sicheng nurses Renjun with _it’s okay, he barely saw you, no – you two will not be ruined now._

Ten shrugs and casts an apologetic look Jeno’s way before slamming the door shut.

~

At about the 12th or 13th sleepover into Jeno and Renjun’s friendship, they encounter a ghost. It was the middle of the night and Renjun had slapped his palm on Jeno’s face multiple times until he finally woke up to whisper, “Jeno, I hear something downstairs.”

Now Jeno, a 10 year-old who valued what little sleep he could get on a school night, was not up for playing along with Renjun’s late-night shenanigans (“ _just because you’re home-schooled – but I need my sleep!”)_ nor was he brave enough to actually go and check what was going on.

But of course, Renjun had other plans.

He leans on his elbow, wriggling closer to Jeno, “Jeno, what if it’s a burglar?” He gasps, moving impossibly close until he’s near climbing the other, “what if they steal your Wii? Who will beat you in bowling now?”

Being the less fretful of the pair, Jeno rolled over, encased Renjun in his arms and pulled the cover over him, “I’m tired Ren, go to sleep.”

Having noticed the hint of annoyance in Jeno’s voice, Renjun kept mum and wriggled under the quilt.

Silence, and then –

_Thump._

Jeno tore the covers off and sat up, sheer panic lighting fires under his skin, “Renjun, I heard something downstairs.”

“I told you!” Renjun hissed, climbing over Jeno and trying to find his _Moomin_ slippers in the dark. (They were his first birthday gift from Jeno. They barely fit by then– but Renjun said the squeeze feels like a tight, warm hug for his feet.)

“Where are you going?” Jeno asked, heart racing in fear. _What if the burglar stole Renjun too?_

“I’m going to scare them away,” Renjun said, but Jeno could tell by the slight tremor in his voice that he was just as terrified.

In the darkness, Jeno searched for Renjun’s hand, “don’t go,” he grabbed Renjun’s wrist, “they’ll get you.”

Renjun shrugged him off and headed for the door in nothing but his _I [heart] DIMSUMs_ pyjama set, letting his memory find and grab Jeno’s portable book light on the way. He tip-toed out, lighting the way down the stairs only for Jeno to soon stumble into him as he rushes on his nightgown.

“Sorry!”

Slowly and carefully making their way down the stairs, they heard a _clang_ followed by muffled curses streaming out from the kitchen. Jeno, who had been gripping Renjun’s shirt for dear life, had found his way to Renjun’s hand, gently tugging him back. Renjun had placed himself right in front of Jeno as they peeked through the ajar kitchen door.

The dim light had cast directly on a face. It was as white as a sheet, with thin dark cracks on its surface; two dark, large holes for a beady pair of eyes, and one large black hole for a mouth.

Dropping the light, the two had screamed their way back up the stairs, slamming the door and diving beneath the covers. Renjun ended up praying and crying himself to sleep, while Jeno passed out from the sheer shock of it all.

The next morning they discovered it was Jeno’s older sister pulling an all-nighter before her exams, who had decided a face mask was a great idea at two in the morning.

Despite so, Renjun spent the entirety of the next week researching on ghosts, ghost-hunting and warding off evil spirits. He made Jeno watch _Ghostbusters_ twice in one sitting – Renjun took notes the second time.

It’s the reason Jeno had to keep a salt-shaker on his nightstand every time Renjun came around after that. (It’s the reason Renjun keeps a talisman hung in their apartment even now.)

Although, Renjun’s excessive credulity was not a bother to Jeno – not when Renjun had started curling up against Jeno’s embrace after that, pulling the covers over and trapping them within a warm, dark cocoon protectively.

Renjun liked the security, while Jeno liked that the space was solely for them.

~

“Think we should just leave him there?” Jungwoo muses aloud, lips curling down as he spots Jeno’s unconscious form spread across three seats.

Taeil, blazer thrown over his shoulder in one hand, looking up from his phone in the other, shrugs once he follows the other’s gaze, “yeah, should be fine.”

They watch as the unconscious Jeno groans in his slumber, then rolls over, right onto the grass with an _oof._ The pair watched from the end of the line of seats as a muffled moan follows the fall, then silence. Then snores.

“He’s gonna get grass on his white suit.”

“Yeah, Irene will be so mad.” Taeil stares a little longer at Jeno’s body face-planted into the grass, then nudges Jungwoo with his shoulder. “Wanna get some coffee? I hear they have this nice café just across the tulip beds.”

“Oooh,” Jungwoo pulls down the hem of his waistcoat, “let’s go.”

~

In their first year of High school, Jeno gets taller.

One morning, Jeno showed up at Renjun’s doorstep two days before school began and twenty minutes after he just came back from a month away at his grandparent’s house in Jeju. Renjun had opened the door, stunned when he had to look up to see Jeno grinning down at him and not straight at him like he usually had to.

And that’s only the first change of many that year.

The next comes when they’re given their timetables and form for extra-curricular activities. Their classes don’t align, unlike the many schooling years prior, and the two find themselves making friends with their new seatmate, or the kid who fell asleep in math (Donghyuck) and had to copy the board notes off the only person who’d copied it all down (Renjun).

“You’re handwriting sucks,” Donghyuck frowned at the notebook at his left, squinting at the numbers and hangul messily scratched across the page, “no margin, no date, no space between words!”

“Well,” Renjun crossed his arms over his chest and huffed, cheeks puffing with air, “there was too much to copy and,” he scowled when Donghyuck brought the book closer, frowning at the pages, “you have an eye boogie, by the way.”

“What?” Donghyuck rubbed the corner of his eye and blinks, leaning over the table to get closer to Renjun, “am I good?”

Renjun tuts, “disgusting.”

Meanwhile, Jeno’s new-found, stronger build landed him a spot in the school track team. He’d found the rush of adrenaline in his legs, blood pulsing through his veins, wind in his hair, somewhat freeing. The way his heart sped up so fast, so close to the edge, to the point of bursting in his chest (in a not-so-deadly way) – it gave him a thrill. It made him feel alive.

Added that his coach felt Jeno had a promising future as an athlete, and the crescent-eyed boy just couldn’t turn down the opportunity.

Joining him on the team was Jaemin, his ‘math-buddy’ _(“I’m not copying the answer’s Jeno, I’m just checking them!”_ _“You haven’t even looked at the question!”),_ and a personable character who’d taken Jeno by the arm and declared them _best friends_ in a heartbeat.

Jeno didn’t get to mention he already had Renjun. Besides, he could do with friends – he _only_ had Renjun for long enough.

Soon the days came when the pair found themselves spending less and less time with each other. Renjun’s interests steered towards the theatrical arts while Jeno’s kept him in the sun – each under a greatly different spotlight.

Lunchtimes became _not today/soz, busy with track/gotta practice lines with dh/maybe tomorrow?_ And after-schools turned into _too tired/mum wants to spend time 2gether/family dinner/going out with jm/maybe next week?_

 _I miss you’s_ were left unsent and unspoken.

Halfway into the year and after a month had gone by without seeing Renjun, Jeno decided he didn’t like change. None of it was _change_ _for the better_ if it meant he’d lose touch with Renjun.

And then the fire happened.

 ~

Jeno wakes up to Donghyuck yelling over his head and grass on his white suit.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” Donghyuck shouts as Jeno scrambles to his feet, slapping grass off his suit, “you get married today, and you’re _sleeping?!”_

Jeno doesn’t have the strength to retort back as Donghyuck starts to slap him as well – for the grass, of course.

“Your parents just arrived and after you’re done with that Irene wants you for final touch-ups!” Donghyuck steers Jeno towards his dresser and pushes him away.

Arriving at the door, Jeno’s sleepy haze is overrun by the dread of facing his mother, sure to start bawling in his arms about how her son is _all grown up_ again as soon as he opens the door. He counts to three and steps inside, bracing for impact.

His mother surprisingly is nowhere in sight. His father sits by the vanity holding a royal blue tie that he stares at fondly. He looks up, smile growing, “Jeno,” meeting his son with a hug, “sorry we didn’t get here sooner.”

“It’s fine,” he looks around again, still expecting his mother to pop out of thin air and smother him.

“Your mum went with the Huangs to see Renjun – I wanted to see how you were doing?”

Jeno rubs the sleep away with the heel of his palm and yawns, “oh, I’m feeling great. I fell asleep waiting, but great.” His eyes catch on the tie again, “what’s that for?”

“Oh, this?” His dad smiles wistfully, looping the fabric around Jeno’s bare collar, “something blue – for luck.” He fastens it fit and smooths it down.

“Please,” Jeno checks himself in the vanity, mentally thanking the heavens that the grass didn’t stain his suit, “now I need something old, new, and borrowed too, or Renjun will have a fit over how it’s not complete.”

“Well your suit is new, so that's one,” his dad counts on his fingers and grins, the corners of his eyes creasing as they turn into the familiar crescents, “and this tie was mine – so that’s your borrowed, old, and blue all at once.”

They laugh right as Jeno’s mother walks in with a gasp, eyes brimming with unshed tears as she calls for her son.

Jeno welcomes the warm embrace.

~

The Huang house caught fire halfway through freshman year. Jeno doesn’t remember exactly how it began – the stove, heater, faulty wires, _something –_ but he does remember being rushed out of the house by his mother to join the rest of the community as they watched the firemen hose down the flames.

The very place he’d spent countless hours, afternoons, and nights – the very place he’d learnt to call his second home, burnt as black as coal.

He remembers smoke snaking up into the nights; the ghosts of warm memories, cherished moments of laughter and lazy days, fading away.

He remembers the crowd huddling around the Huangs, offering condolences, and away from it all was Renjun, hunched on the ground in nothing but his robe and _Moomin_ slippers. Without missing a beat, Jeno had lunged at the frail boy with open arms, wrapping himself around Renjun’s stiff frame and holding on so, so tight. Unlike his mother, whose sobs echoed into the next town over, Renjun hadn’t shed a tear.

Lucky to escape with their lives, the Huangs spent the next few weeks with a number of friends and family (Jeno’s included) who were more than happy to take them in.

When Jeno had eventually joined Renjun under the covers that night, his heart heavy and the stench of smoke still stringent in his nose, did he finally meet the soft, starry eyes he’d missed for so long.

“Hey,” Jeno murmured, gently combing Renjun’s hair over his ears, still wet from the shower.

And then the elder burst into tears. Horrific, loud, childish wailing filled the room. Incomprehensible gargles fell from Renjun’s mouth as cried – his breath hitching, chest shuddering between the tears.

After a while, when Renjun’s tears had dried and all he could muster were quivering breaths, Jeno said, “we should paint your new room yellow,” combing back Renjun’s hair again, wiping away stray tears, “I think you’d look lovely in a bright, sunshine-yellow room.”

Renjun swallowed back a sob, “think so?” He sniffed and frowned at the ceiling, “It’ll be a while until…”

“It’s okay,” beneath the covers, Jeno searched for Renjun’s hand, “we’ll get through this,” he held on tight.

“I miss you,” Renjun let out softly, squeezing back, “I miss you a lot.”

Jeno waited for the words to sink in, realize that he’d missed Renjun as well – if not a thousand times more. They’d never gone so long without the other that now that they had, an awkward distance had been created and Jeno didn’t know how to reach out without feeling guilty and ashamed.

What was more, he hated that it took such a cruel turn of events for the pair to find their way back to each other.

“Everyone’s so much bigger than me, even you’re bigger than me, there’s a lot of work and not enough time, I’m pretty sure I’m failing math, and –” Renjun slowed and sighed, “I miss you.”

Jeno smiled and leaned his head against Renjun’s, “lucky for you, I’m great at math.”

Sunlight spilled through the gaps in the blinds as daybreak dawned upon them. Renjun was finally asleep.

“I missed you too, Renjun.”

(By a weird twist of fate, Jeno’s neighbour ended up moving to Australia, and the Huang’s moved in. The pair never went a day without each other after that.)

~

As they approach the main hour, guests have started piling in and there’s no longer any quiet space within the venue. So, Jaemin finds himself wandering the gardens as he reads over and perfects his speech, finally finding a quiet spot beside the roses to sit and think when –

“Hey hyung,” Jisung plops down on the bench beside him, “whatcha doin’?”

Jaemin taps his pencil against the paper, “my speech as best man, I’m thinking of rewriting it.”

Jisung leans closer and peeks over the elder’s shoulder, “why?”

“I don’t want it to be too emotional, you know? I wanna be,” Jaemin sits up and puffs his chest, “I wanna be cool.”

Jisung raises a brow and looks back down at the speech. There are deep lines crossing out sentences and words fitted between the white gaps and margins; entire paragraphs rewritten with slightly different wording, faded pencil markings underneath.

“Hyung, I think you need another paper first.”

“Yeah,” Jaemin takes out his phone, “I think I’ll type it out instead.”

“Read it to me?”

Jaemin sets the paper on his lap and starts typing out the fragments of his speech, “let’s see, _I remember the first time I noticed…”_

~

Really, it’s all thanks to Jaemin.

Winter in their senior year, they were sitting at a café one day after school – Jeno, Renjun, and Jaemin – with their hot-cocoa, tea, and coffee respectively. Renjun was on text with his then-girlfriend Junghyeon while Jeno and Jaemin were engaged in a lengthy discussion on the anatomy of the younger’s coffee and its side-effects.

“Jeno~” Renjun cooed, leaning in close to the side of Jeno’s face.

“No.”

“You don’t even know what I was going to say!”

Jeno turned his head and waited for Renjun to continue.

“There’s a movie showing this weekend that Junghyeon wants to go to –“

“Sounds great –“

“ – with her friends.” Renjun nuzzled his cheeks against Jeno’s arm, “will you _please,_ out of love for me, come with? I don’t wanna be the only guy there and besides,” he pulled back to make the most sincere face he could muster, “it’ll be so boring without you.”

“Then why are you even going?” Jeno turned back to his mug and played with the streaks of chocolate syrup lining the bottom of the cup.

“Because she’s my girlfriend, so I do things I don’t like because I like her!” Renjun’s cheeks made their way back to Jeno’s shoulder, “PLEASE! I never ask you to go out with me! Just once, will you leave the walls of your room to save me from utter boredom? We can say we’re getting popcorn and spend the majority of the movie eating red liquorice outside the theatre – PLEASE!”

Jeno locked eyes with Jaemin briefly to catch the latter look between the two then smiled knowingly at him. There was an online tournament going on that weekend for the battle royale game Jeno had been obsessed with lately. He’d been looking forward to it for weeks and Jaemin was even supposed to join him.

(Renjun would later remember and apologize. Jeno would say the night was spent better by wheeling Renjun around in a shopping cart and eating red liquorice till their bellies ached anyway.)

“Fine –“

“YESSSS!” Renjun threw his arms around Jeno’s neck as he got to his feet, “the movie’s at 10, pick me up at 8?” He doesn’t wait for an answer, checking his phone, “I’ll call you about it tonight! I’m meeting with Hyuck now so,” he threw on his bag and waved his fingers, “bye guys!”

Jeno sunk into his seat, his head falling back as he sighed.

“When you guys get married,” Jaemin said with a grin, “make me your best man.”

“Haha, Jaem,” Jeno rolled his eyes.

“I’m being serious!” Jaemin flopped his head to one side and waved his glass straw in the air, “we all know it’s gonna happen someday.”

Jeno really didn’t like the smirk on Jaemin’s face. The all-knowing smile made him feel bare – as if Jaemin knew things about himself that Jeno didn’t even know.

“Jaemin, what’re you even talking about?” Jeno laughed, but it came out dry. He rubbed his throat.

“Oh,” the smirk slipped right off Jaemin’s face, “you don’t…”

~

“You’re being summoned,” Kun peeps through the door of Jeno’s dresser, clipboard tucked under his arm and phone in hand.

Jeno turns away from his mother, brows furrowed, “by who?”

“Renjun.”

Jeno jumps to his feet, “seriously?”

When Kun nods, Jeno scrambles to put on his coat, kissing his mum goodbye before running out the door.

He’s greeted by Ten once again upon arrival. Inviting Jeno in, he leaves the room, shutting the door behind him. The back of the dresser is drawn shut with soft, cream curtains, but Jeno can make out Renjun’s figure behind, playing with his fingers.

“Jeno?” Renjun’s fingers push against the thin drapes.

“Ren,” Jeno smiles, stopping right before the curtains. Renjun snakes a lace-gloved hand through the gap, and Jeno meets him halfway, their fingers connecting like magnets.

“I know this isn’t ideal,” Renjun says, swaying their hands, “but we can’t risk –“

“ – bad luck,” Jeno’s leans his head against the fabric until it knocks lightly against Renjun’s, eyes shut, “I know, it’s okay.” He reaches through the space for Renjun’s other hand and gives it a squeeze, “not long now.”

Renjun hums, grazing his nose along Jeno’s, their lips brushing over the fabric. “Okay, you should go, I’ll be out soon.”

Jeno pulls back, an invisible force working against them in the space between their hands as they disconnect. He pockets them, “I love you.”

He can almost see Renjun roll his eyes, smiling, “yeah, I love you too.”

~

Realizing he’s got a _thing_ for his best friend was pretty jarring for Jeno. Especially when Jaemin put it like:

_You’re at a wedding, Renjun’s wedding. Where are you standing?_

And:

_Renjun’s being kissed, touched, some stranger’s hand on his thigh. Squeezing him and making him red all over in more ways than you can imagine – how do you feel?_

_Exactly._

(The smug look on Jaemin’s face made him feel stupid. And angry.)

To say the least, Jeno was pretty _shook_ for a couple days after that.

The movie plans that weekend ended up falling through for reasons unknown (later revealed to be because Junhyeong broke it off with Renjun, over something like _I’m not your first choice_ ), but Jeno ended up spending the night with Renjun anyways.

Sitting on the curb of the gas station across the street from the cinema, eating red liquorice and sharing a bottle of ginger beer, Jeno watched Renjun under the flickering lights and realized, he was iridescent.

Bright and shining, even under poor lighting.

There isn’t anything in the world he wouldn’t do for Renjun.

“Please, don’t ever change,” comes a soft mumble, Renjun leaned against his shoulder, staring off at the road. A single car drives past, “don’t let us change.”

Jeno angled his head at Renjun and blinked, “where’s this coming from?”

“I don’t know,” he sighed, snuggling against Jeno’s neck, “everything’s going to be so different next year, with university and stuff…”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Jeno affirmed, “I don’t know what you’re thinking right now, but I’m not going anywhere so,” he kicked his feet against the gravel and leaned back, “stop thinking, or something.”

Renjun studied Jeno’s face for a while, lips drawn to a thin line, then hummed, “okay, I’m gonna hold you to it.”

“Of course you will.”

Another car drove past, warm light washing over them. Renjun bit the candy straw between his teeth, then slowly, absentmindedly, curved his lips around and sucked it in.

“Don’t do that,” Jeno said, turning away from the elder boy. Heat crawled up his neck.

Renjun blinked innocently, “do what? What am I doing?” He sucked the straw in, then out again.

Jeno groaned inwardly, averting his eyes. He checked the paper bag for more, “you took the last one?”

Renjun twirled the liquorice around in his mouth playfully.

“Give me half.”

“Take it from me then,” Renjun pinned Jeno’s hands down on his side, got to his knees and leaned in.

Jeno assessed the situation. He could a) bite it off and risk near-kissing Renjun (and with his new-found feelings, risk kissing him altogether) or b) swerve the situation by brushing Renjun off and risk making it all awkward.

“No way,” Jeno turned his cheek, burning, “I don’t want your cooties.”

“What are you, five?” Renjun let him go, sitting back down, “and we’re sharing a drink!” He laughed it off, going back to his position cuddled up against Jeno’s side.

“Hey look,” He broke the silence, directing Jeno’s attention towards the bushes to the side, “there’s a shopping cart.” Renjun got to his feet and extended his hand, eyes sparkling as he said with a smirk, “wanna go for a ride?”

~

“Guys,” Mark walks up to the bench seating Jaemin with Jisung and Chenle hovering over him on each side, “what’s going on? Everyone’s taking their seats already.” He looks up at Jisung and makes a face, “Jisung, Chenle, the rings? You’re meant to put them on the cushion and stand by the altar, what’re you two doing?”

They jump up, suddenly noting the time and their task, and run off towards the venue. Mark turns to Jaemin, “and you…” he takes a seat, shaking his head, “nah, Hyuck wasn’t yelling about where you were.” He peeks at Jaemin’s phone screen as the latter doesn’t even bother to look up, “you’re still preparing? Bro, it’s happening like, now.”

“I know, I know, just…” Jaemin turns his body to face Mark, “just listen to this part, _to tell you all frankly, I always knew I’d be standing here someday giving this speech for the wedding of my two best friends in the whole world. In fact, all it took for me to know that these two before me were meant to be was one afternoon at Jeno’s house, where Renjun and I were arguing about some space documentary we watched and for a brief moment I turned around to Jeno, who’d been silent all this while, and he had this stupidly love-struck grin on his face as he stared at Renjun theatrically explain why aliens were clearly the superior species. I should let you all know that he still does it now, look like a fool in love at whatever Renjun does.”_

Mark smiles and nods, “sounds fine so far.”

“Yeah but,” Jaemin goes back to the papers on his lap, “then there’s some other parts I wanna fit in somewhere like Jeno asking me if I still wanted to be best man the day he proposed and,” he flips over the page, “the day I helped him realize he loved Renjun by asking where he’d be at Renjun’s wedding and without missing a beat he said _right by his side –“_

“Aww –“

“Yes, _aww,_ but I’m” Jaemin pulls at his hair, breathing rapidly, “I have so much to say,” he turns back to Mark, face filled with panic as he lets out a weak, “help me.”

Mark flounders, “uhh, o- _kay_ _,_ let’s see what you’ve got here…”

~

Everything falls apart then into place towards the end of senior year.

Jeno hadn’t much time to dwell on his feelings for Renjun, let alone act upon them with exams here and there and the stress of the future everywhere. Thinking about his future with Renjun was another task altogether.

Exam season rolled around, university applications went out, and Jeno’s mind went haywire. There was a lot to figure out about his future: whether he wanted to pursuit running professionally, do a medical course like his dad wants him to, or take a leap of faith and dabble in his new passion for photography (began after Renjun gifted him a camera for his 18th).

It didn’t help that he was also increasingly hyperaware of how lovely Renjun’s hand looked in his whenever the Chinese male was dragging him s _omewhere_ to show him _something_. Or how his laugh sounded like wind chimes and his eyes were the softest, most warm shade of brown Jeno’s ever seen.

How plump and red Renjun’s lips were; how small and doll-like his mouth was; how lovely it looked when he smiled, pouted, wrapped his lips around the end of his pencil and –

“Ren,” Jeno cleared his throat, kicking Renjun’s hip lightly, “don’t do that. It’s a bad habit.”

Renjun rolled over onto his back, letting Jeno rest his feet across his stomach, “what’re you putting as your first choice uni?”

Another thing that Jeno became hyperaware of was having Renjun on his bed, just like now, lazing around and exposing too much tummy for Jeno to be able to think straight.

“I don’t know,” he said plainly, staring up at the ceiling.

Renjun crawled forward until his face is hovering above Jeno’s. He frowned, eyes filling with worry, soft, pink lips curling down. Jeno’s heart beat erratically by the second. “Hey, what’s on your mind? You’ve been kinda absent lately…”

Jeno mirrors the expression – he didn’t know how to tell Renjun that he’d been avoiding the latter lest he did something he couldn’t deal with right then. Jeno hadn’t figured out anything about his future, and he most certainly hadn’t figured out how he was going to deal with his feelings for Renjun, especially if the other didn’t return them if something _did_ happen – which it won’t. Jeno will make sure of it.

“Nothing Ren, don’t worry.”

Renjun leaned closer, too close for Jeno’s liking. His mind circuited out of control. “Really? Nothing you want to share?”

There was a lot to share, really, but Jeno couldn’t find the words. How most of all, no matter what, he wanted a future with Renjun in it. How nothing, no career or pathway mattered if Renjun wasn’t there. How he was afraid to make the wrong choice and ruin their future together.

“No,” Jeno scowled, his mind filling to the brim. He was about to lose his mind, and Renjun was leaning too close, his breath was too hot, asking too many questions – “I don’t know, Renjun,” he sat up and pushed Renjun back by the shoulder, “stop asking – it doesn’t involve you!”

Jeno regretted the words as soon as the left his mouth. Said with too much bite than intended, he froze as he watched Renjun’s expression fall flat, then crumble all at once.

“Oh,” Renjun pressed his lips together, looked down at his lap, “I see.” He moved to pack his things, his application form, pencils, laptop and charger quietly but quickly pushed into his backpack. “Sorry, I didn’t realize I was pushing. I’ll leave you to it.”

Speechless, unable to find the right words or a voice to speak them, Jeno watched Renjun exit his room, shutting the door behind him.

~

 _I could tell you many reasons as to why I know Renjun is perfect for Jeno,_ Jaemin pauses typing to scratch his nose, _but for the sake of time and Jeno possibly crying if I get too sentimental, I’ll tell you one: Renjun makes it easy to come home._

_~_

The _kerfuffle_ doesn’t last long – Jeno can never go long without Renjun, especially when he’s all he thinks about.

So two nights later, Jeno shows up outside Renjun’s window after having sorted out his thoughts on a post-it note (which fell off his wall and got lost behind his desk). Renjun opened the window on the second knock, staring Jeno down with one eyebrow raised accusingly.

“I’m sorry,” Jeno blurted first thing, edging closer with small, steps.

Renjun’s face softened, “it’s cold out, come inside.”

Breaking into a grin, Jeno climbed in through the window, pulling Renjun into a hug as soon as his feet hit the carpet, “I’m sorry I snapped,” he nuzzled his nose against Renjun’s neck, “you were just looking out for me.”

“I’m sorry too, I really shouldn’t have pushed –“

“No, you did nothing wrong –“

“Yes, I did,” Renjun pushed back and crossed his arms, “don’t try to pin it all on yourself –“

“No, I shouldn’t have snapped –“

“You were right –“

Jeno rolled his head back and sighed, “can we please not argue again?”

“Can you please stop contradicting me?”

Renjun’s frown melted off as Jeno started to chuckle, pulling him in, “come here.”

Wrapping his arms around Renjun’s middle, Jeno hugged him tight and smiled.

“Can I ask you a question?” Renjun asked softly, refusing to meet Jeno’s eyes, “whatever you’ve decided you wanna do – are we – am I – am I –“ his hand balled into a fist, scrunching up the collar of Jeno’s shirt, “am I in it – your future?” He doesn’t wait for Jeno to speak, started lightly punching his chest, “it doesn’t need to involve me a lot, if you don’t want to of course –“

“Hey, hey,” Jeno cupped his face, locking their eyes together, “to be honest I can’t remember what I decided on –“

“Of course you don’t –“

“ – but I know that I don’t have any future without you in it.”

A smile had made its way back to Renjun’s lips – _lovely._ “Good. That’s a good answer.”

Jeno pretended to be annoyed, pushing Renjun away as the latter tried to connect their hands together. Magnetic.

“Can I ask another question?”

Jeno made a face as if he had much of a choice.

Renjun leaned close to Jeno’s ear, plush lips brushing against the shell and sending chills down his spine and whispered, “are you ever gonna have the balls to kiss me or am I gonna have to wait even longer?”

Jeno practically threw Renjun away from him, jerking back like he’d been shocked by a flared wire as Renjun giggled loudly, “how…?”

“You’re not very good at being discreet, Jeno.” Renjun grabbed Jeno by the collar and pulled him in until they were only millimetres apart, hot breath ghosting over his lips, “I guess I have to do everything myself,” and then his lips came crashing against Jeno’s. Sweet as honey, lips as soft and smooth as Jeno imagined they’d be.

“Also,” Renjun pecked Jeno’s lips lightly, laughing breathlessly as the taller boy staggered back onto the bed, “you should know,” he threw a leg over Jeno’s lap and sat down, palm on either side of Jeno’s waist as he leaned closer, and closer, “I’m not putting out until marriage, so you can stare at me put things in my mouth all you want but I’m not taking responsibility for any blue balls.”

Then their lips collided again before Jeno even got the chance to say _that’s so you, Huang._

Renjun would be the death of him.

(Much later, one early morning in some dodgy motel in the heart of Seoul, after a severe night out with the gang, Jeno would wake up to see Renjun sitting up against the wall, cocooned in the quilt, knees pulled to his chest and hair perfectly tousled as he mindlessly scrolled through his phone. Collarbones exposed to reveal spots on his smooth, milky skin deliciously blooming red – Jeno would remember Renjun's unofficial vow of abstinence and smile secretly, because _look who broke first._ )

~

“Places everyone,” Donghyuck flails his arms around, marching up the aisle, “places, places!” He turns around, looking over the scene once more. It’d all come together; Taeyong and Ten readying their cameras; Johnny and Jaehyun checking each other’s ties. Chenle and Jisung stand to the side, holding the cushioned rings; Jaemin, Mark and Doyoung in line on one side and Sicheng, Lucas, and Jungwoo on the other.

The completed venue was decked with more, fresh baby-blue and cream roses; petals scattered across the grass and a warm breeze complimented the sunny afternoon.

Donghyuck smiled, clasping his hands together, “perfect.” He turns to the orchestra and counts on his fingers, “one, two, three –“

~

Almost four years into their relationship, Renjun pops the question, sort of.

Jeno had come out of the shower one night, and after scouring the kitchen cupboard for a snack, returned to the bedroom with a handful of dried apricots and a juice-box. Just as he’d joined Renjun under the covers, the latter had flipped over onto his side and deadpanned, “we should get married.”

Jeno stopped chewing momentarily, then nodded, “okay, sure.”

“Great,” he leaned over to peck Jeno on the cheek, then stole a few apricots, “get some more please?”

~

Jeno could hear Fun’s _The Gambler_ start to play as he stood outside the opening. Heart beating rapidly in his throat, he rubbed his palms against his trousers for the third time.

“Ready?” His father asked as he came to Jeno’s side and hooked their arms together. Jeno’s mother hung off the other arm, brushing off his coat and fixing the stray hairs behind his ears.

Jeno nods at his father, turns to smile at his mother.

“You look so handsome,” she compliments, about to burst from joy.

He kisses her crown before peeking inside, spotting Donghyuck give him a thumbs-up. He steps inside –

_We were 15 when the fire brought down your home and I found myself laying in a bed full of you for the next couple of weeks. And when I say full of you, I mean the bed was ALL you._

When Jeno reached the altar, Jaemin gives him a thin smile, teary-eyed, reaching out to squeeze the groom’s fingers. Jeno’s heart beats in his ears, deafeningly, booming. He squeezes back harder.

The music slows, everyone turns and holds their breaths.

_And I muttered, through a mouthful of your hair, ‘God, help the one who’ll have to sleep with Renjun in the future,” unbeknownst to me that I’d be making the choice myself, to spend every night getting your hair in my mouth and kicked in the shin, falling deeper, deeper in love with you._

There isn’t anything extraordinary about their love. There aren’t as many heart-stopping, breathtaking moments as there is peace, and an easy heart. It’s simple: Jeno sees Renjun in the morning all squishy and warm when he wakes up, at the grocery store reading nutrition labels as he sits inside the trolley, at night by the window wishing upon the stars for everything to stay _just like this,_ and he breathes.

_So, I guess what I wanted to say is, for as long as you’ll let me, I promise to sleep beside you from here on now, so you don’t have to kick the blanket, but you can kick me instead._

Renjun smiles as soon as he looks up, eyes sparkling even from afar, under the lace veil of his royal-blue pillbox hat - absolutely, alluring, stunning, _a showstopper_. Stepping onto the aisle with his parents on each side, matching white velvet suit gleaming under the sun – a pearl in Jeno’s eye. He breathes in, chest swelling, capturing Renjun's beauty to memory.

When Jeno looks closely, he spots his mother’s sapphire brooch pinned onto the centre on Renjun’s bow-tie – the very brooch his grandmother gave her on her wedding day. He spares a glance her way, and she turns back to smile.

He hears Jaemin whisper _‘lucky bastard’_ as soon as Renjun steps up to his side, kissing his mother before she takes her seat.

Jeno looks around once more, silently thanking his friends and family for their presence today, their love and support. From the corner of his eye, he spots Donghyuck wipe his cheek against Mark’s shoulder, Chenle and Jisung smiling down at the rings then up at them, and hears Jaemin mutter under his breath about how _right_ he was.

Johnny clears his throat as Jaehyun taps the cards against the podium. Jeno reaches out, Renjun meets him halfway, _magnetic._

“Dearly beloved, we have gathered here today –“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I was too vague, the ending italicized speech is Jeno's vow. I was going to include Renjun's, but since this is a Jeno-centric fic I figured it wasn't needed? Idk. I also didn't like how it sounded with the rest of the ending and couldn't write it in without it sounding off so, yeah. 
> 
> UMMMM, ANYWAYS, thanks so much reading!  
> Renjun's pov in the next (short) chapter!!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you had to ask Renjun, he'd say the greatest thing about Jeno is -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said I would only do Renjun's vows but uhhh look at me now huh.  
> This was pretty rushed????? As in I wrote it in 6 hours and edited it in 20 minutes bc I wanted this posted before Allrenzine's first round was officially over so I'm sorry for any mistakes!!! Please let me know of any inconsistencies!! I will come back to edit this again.

_I don’t consider myself a brave person. Yet every time I look at you, I’m ready to take on the world._

~

Renjun was never a brave boy. Much shorter, scrawnier than the boys in his kindergarten, and being a foreigner at that, he often felt out of place or easily forgotten. He didn’t let it get to him though. Playing by himself wasn’t too bad as Renjun’s wild imagination made up for the lack of company.

Until Jeno.

One afternoon, Renjun was trekking through the African savanna in nothing but his flip-flops and his father’s tie wrapped around his head when he overhead the bone-chilling grumble of a hippopotamus, about to crush a tearful little boy into pulp.

Renjun gasped, dashing across the grasslands (plain garden grass) and leaping over hardened mounds of dirt (an anthill) before bravely interjecting between the hippo and his helpless prey.

“Hey fatty!” He places his hands on his hips, legs splayed wide apart as he scowls, “pick on someone your own size!”

After scaring off the wild beast, Renjun crumbled onto the sand and heaved, “I thought he was gonna hit me!”

He turned to the frightened boy beside him, whose eyes were glossed over with unshed tears, and smiled as widely as he could. Thinking to himself, he couldn’t pinpoint what made him act so rash like that. What exactly it was about the boy that pulled Renjun towards him, risking his safety.

But Renjun was five, and the thought disappears as fast as it’d come. Introductions are exchanged and Renjun was basically a hero. Newfound bravery, they turned back to the toys, working together to build the robot-cars a new, sand home.

~

_And although there are many things I’m scared of, because I think too much and too far, because I always assume the worst, because my mind doesn’t rest, you’ve always, quietly, helped me face my fears._

_~_

At the age of ten, Renjun encounters his worst fear.

He was sleeping over at Jeno’s (like he had been, every Wednesday, for a while now) when a dull _thump_ sounded from below. Heart freezing in his chest, he rolled over to jostle Jeno awake.

“Jeno,”

_Thump_

“Jeno!”

The younger boy roused from sleep, face scrunched as he whined awake, “what is it Renjun?”

“I hear something downstairs,” he hissed lowly, half his face covered by the quilt.

Too sleepy to function, Jeno waved him off, “you’re probably hearing things.”

It fell on deaf ears, Renjun’s mind racing, “Jeno, what if it’s a burglar?” He shifts closer, “what if they steal your Wii?” _Who will beat Jeno in bowling now?_

Jeno groaned, enveloping Renjun in his arms and pulling the covers over them, “I’m tired, Ren. Go to sleep.”

Getting the hint that Jeno was annoyed, Renjun quietened down and tried to go back to sleep.

The cold air shocked his body as Jeno threw the covers off, “Renjun, I heard something downstairs.”

“I told you!” Renjun hissed, then began climbing over Jeno. No one broke into _his_ best friend’s house and got away with it!

In nothing but their pyjamas and a book lamp to light the way (“Jeno, we can’t catch the burglar if we turn on the lights – they’ll run away!”), the pair tip-toed down the stairs as quietly as possible. Jeno held onto the hem of Renjun’s shirt, cowering behind. Renjun took a step forward, covering him completely.

In case of any real danger, he wanted Jeno to be safe.

Following the scratchy sound of plastic and the thump of cupboards opening, the two walked towards the kitchen, pushed open the door and –

A ghost. They saw a face as white as a sheet, two large dark holes for eyes and a massive one for a mouth – what they saw was a terrible, demonic spirit of the dead.

Dropping the light, Renjun started screaming first, then Jeno, before they ran upstairs and locked the door behind them, jumping straight into bed. Although, Renjun doubted a locked door and sheets would hold off a _spirit_ , what mattered was that they were safe, momentarily. Jeno was safe beside him.

The following day, despite discovering that their _ghost_ was Jeno’s sister in a face mask, Renjun decided he needed to be prepared for the worst. What if the Lee house gets an uninvited, ghostly intruder for real?

So he hit the books, visiting the library every day after his teacher left, spending all his free time squinting at the computer screen as he searched the web deeply for information on _preventing curses_ , _warding off evil spirits_ , and _hunting ghosts_.

He took notes from _Ghostbusters_ , which he made Jeno watch with him so the younger could learn something too, and even hid talismans around Jeno’s room for extra protection. (Jeno was at school, so he had no idea. But it’s okay – Renjun didn’t need any thanking.)

Renjun was always thankful that Jeno accepted his superstitious beliefs without mocking or teasing him like he expected. Whatever the elder said, Jeno always smiled and agreed, never complaining that it was _stupid_.

(Even now, when Renjun double-checks their door lock and stove, switches off the microwave and hangs talisman around their home, Jeno is always patiently accepting – even offering to help out.)

Really, all Renjun wanted was for Jeno to be safe, from any and all kinds of danger. His little world to be protected at all times.

~

_I’ll admit, there were times I doubted us. Moments when I thought it was the end and didn’t have the courage to reach out. Moments when I thought the home we created within each other was gone for good. But you reminded me to have no fears, because our home is forever – all it needs sometimes is a little re-painting._

~

Renjun will always remember the first year of High school as the year it all went wrong.

The year began with him and Jeno being given different timetables. The three years of school they spent attached at the hip, finally coming to an end. Although, the distance allowed him to meet Donghyuck, at the end of the day, all he wanted was to go home to Jeno.

The distance also gave the two an opportunity to find themselves – Jeno in track and Renjun in sheet music and scripts. But even then, his new interests didn’t matter much if he didn’t get to share his passion with Jeno.

It’s not that they drifted apart suddenly, like some invisible barrier had been built overnight. Rather, it came in stages. More painfully so. Lunchtimes and afterschool dates waned away as the two got busier with new friends and new hobbies. Gained new perspectives and saw the world – grew up – without the other.

Renjun didn’t feel it was right to bother Jeno. He had finally come out of his shell, and Renjun could never hold Jeno back, He was always meant to burn bright, after all.

Then his mother left the stove on one night after a long day at work, heating up leftovers for dinner. He’d gone to bed with a heavy heart after struggling to finish his math homework, and it felt like a split second since he closed his eyes, before everything around him was red.

The fire swallowed his home raw. His little world, no more than soot and cinder.

No ghosts could haunt him more than the ones of his memories with Jeno, fading into the night; than the sound of his mother’s screams as she burst into his room, her cheeks stained with tears and carbon.

Jeno’s bedroom had changed in the short while they’d been apart. That night, as Renjun mindlessly stared up at the ceiling, he noticed how Jeno’s dinosaur stickers were taken down, and how the _RJ+JN_ poster they made together was nothing but a torn scrap of paper stuck to the tack on the wall.

Everything came crashing down at once, and he cried and cried. Jeno let him, gently wiping away the tears before they streamed into his ears.

Pent up emotions spilled like a flood as Renjun wept, telling Jeno over and over again how much he missed him, and that he never wanted them to be apart ever again.

Selfish, he knew – but Jeno’s always loved indulging him.

Sometime later, by some untimely stroke of luck, Jeno’s neighbour moved and Renjun’s wishes were guaranteed. With windows directly facing each other, they’d never have to be apart again.

(And as they repaint the boring white walls of Renjun’s new home, he decides Jeno’s right – yellow is _so_ his colour.)

~

_Remember when we were painting my new room this shocking, canary colour, and you ended up stepping on the paint tray and splashed paint everywhere? I laughed so hard I thought I would die – and I never told you this but while you were wiping paint off your chin, cursing everything and anything, I was falling deeper, deeper in love with you._

~

Towards the end of his junior year, Renjun gets asked out by the prettiest girl in his English class. Junhyeong had slipped him a note one lesson, asking if he’d liked to go to the movies, and Renjun said yes quite quickly – she was _really_ pretty and well, it wasn’t like his feelings for Jeno were going anywhere. They were just sort of, _there._

Plus, Jeno was about as romantically inclined as a rock, and there were a thousand other factors including (but not limited to): the risk that Jeno didn’t like him back, that Jeno wasn’t into boys in general, and that their friendship would be ruined. So, Renjun simply thought Junhyeong would be good for him. Better even. Maybe.

(Thinking back, Renjun thinks she deserved much, much better. )

But of course, for Renjun, no one would be as good as Jeno – platonically or romantically. He couldn’t help but think of the boy even during his times with Junhyeong, even bringing him up more times than appropriate. He’s ashamed to admit that more often than not, his thoughts drifted towards all the things he was doing with Junhyeong that he’d rather have been doing with Jeno.

(It didn’t help that towards the end of junior year Jeno grew a _gain_ – no longer a tall, lanky runner but a stronger, broader jock who easily caught everyone’s eye. Renjun also took pride in the fact that despite his popularity, Jeno only looked at him.)

Hence it didn’t come as a shock when one afternoon, Junhyeong broke up with Renjun right after the Chinese male had said he’d be bringing Jeno along to the movie outing with her friends.

“It’s not that I don’t like Jeno,” she said, voice shaking over the phone, “and it’s not that I don’t want you to bring a friend – or something.” She had sighed multiple times already, and yet again – “it’s just – it’s always Jeno, huh?”

“What are you talking about?” Renjun’s lung felt heavy, pressure building in his chest, behind his eyes, “I don’t – with Jeno – it’s not –“

“I’ll never be your first choice.” She admitted, taking a deep breath, “and if you can’t see what’s going on here, then you need this more than I do.” Junhyeong fell silent for a moment, letting the words sink in, “please, take care.”

Then the line cut.

Renjun didn’t expect to cry after the breakup, but an immense feeling of loss flooded his veins, and a realization that he feels more for Jeno than _just feelings_ , left him stranded.

Fear ate away at his insides – Junhyeong saw it, what if Jeno saw it too? What if Jeno thought he was disgusting? What if Jeno didn’t want them to change?

Hope seemed like a dead man’s dream, to Renjun on that night.

~

_We’ve had our fair share of arguments in our times together, some of which I must admit, have been blatantly my fault. But even though I can be stubborn, you always forgive me._

~

Renjun notices Jeno staring one afternoon at the café they frequent together. It’s Summer, and Jaemin, Jeno, and Renjun were listening to Donghyuck swoon over some Canadian boy he met at Church the previous weekend. They’d ordered two ice-cream sundaes to share – mango and chocolate chosen by Renjun and Jaemin respectively after they won in a fierce game of _rock-paper-scissors._

Renjun was absentmindedly twirling the spoon around in his mouth, lips curled around the head of the spoon when he catches Jeno mid-stare. Upon raising a brow, Jeno coughed awkwardly, cheeks dusting pink as he turned his attention back towards Donghyuck.

After that, Jeno seemed to be staring at Renjun’s lips all the time: when he’s sucking on red-liquorice straws, when he’s got the end of his pen in his mouth, when he’s drinking water from his bottle – Renjun tried not to confront him about it, _yet._

However, once senior year began, the staring seemed to stop. Or, not entirely, but Jeno wasn’t nearly staring as much as Renjun would’ve liked. In fact, Jeno seemed to be avoiding him altogether.

Anywhere or anything that involved only the two of them, Jeno started to dodge, or invite others to join them. In short, Jeno didn’t want to be alone with Renjun.

The thought broke Renjun’s heart, His worst nightmare was becoming a reality.

_Had Jeno figured it out?_

After much thought, and an encouraging speech from Donghyuck about _freeing the heart_ , Renjun decided to confront Jeno. He went over one day after school under the guise of needing help with his uni-applications, starting off casually.

“What’re you putting as your first choice uni?”

Silence.

Renjun frowned, “hey, Jeno!”

“I don’t know, Ren,” a sigh, “I don’t know.”

Brows furrowed and lips pulling down deeper, Renjun crawled over on the bed until he was face to face with Jeno, hovering inches above him, “hey, what’s on your mind? You’ve been kinda absent lately…”

Inside, his heart drums heavily and loudly against his ribs. Renjun could feel his throat start to close. _Any minute now…_

Jeno looked directly into Renjun’s eyes, then down at his lips for a brief second before looking away altogether.

“Nothing Ren, don’t worry.”

Renjun drew closer, leaning on his elbows, a breath away from Jeno’s lips now. Oh, how badly he wanted to kiss them.

“Really? Nothing you wanted to share?”

Jeno made a pained expression, “no,” shooting up and pushing Renjun away, “I don’t know Renjun. Stop asking – it doesn’t involve you!”

Renjun blinked, sinking down onto his lap, “oh, I see.” He looked down, ears ringing, tears brimming, “sorry, I didn’t realize I was pushing.” That wasn’t what he meant to do at all. “I’ll leave you to it then.”

Rushing to pack his things, Renjun ran out of the room, down the stairs, out the door and across the lawn straight home.

Frankly, he doesn’t remember much of that night – just that Jeno’s words had stung, but Renjun felt more stupid for pushing. For not being able to _shut the fuck up_. For not thinking about Jeno’s feelings, his worries, his situation.

Renjun had acted selfishly, only thinking of himself.

Of course, like most of their other fights, it doesn’t last long. Two nights later, Jeno had come knocking on Renjun’s window with a face full of regret and a mouth full of apologies – which wasn’t really needed: Jeno could walk in and say nothing and everything would still go back to normal.

Except this time –

“ – are you ever gonna have the balls to kiss me or am I gonna have to wait even longer?”

Jeno gaped, jerking back, “how…”

And with that confirmed, Renjun rushed in to seal the deal.

~

_You always accept me entirely, going along with my ridiculous ideas and making my wildest dreams come true –_

~

“Jeno, I think we should move in together.”

~

“Jeno, we should get married.”

~

“Renjun, turn around for a sec babe?”

“Hmm, what – “

“You probably saw this coming, seeing as you suggested it but – will you do the honour - will you make me - will you marry me?”

~

_The universe didn’t grant me superpowers, but it granted me you, and you always allow me to be your superhero. Even though you grew to be taller and stronger than me, you always call upon me to rid the spiders in our home for two because you know the moment makes me feel heroic. You always indulge me, because you know it makes me feel special – like I’m your chosen one. Thank you for always enabling me to be your hero. I will continue to be your hero for as long as you will let me. You’re my greatest superpower. I love you, Jeno Lee._

~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The guests were sitting there for a while huh.  
> (The last paragraph is like, the main part of the vow anyway,)  
> THANKS FOR READING!!

**Author's Note:**

> Please do leave kudos and comments! I highly appreciate them!  
> Talk to me on twt: [baeksonified](https://twitter.com/baeksonified)  
> Or: [cc](https://curiouscat.me/angelcakkes)


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